For the love of Force!
by Darth Phex
Summary: From the Leviathan to the Star Forge. And almost anything and everything in between! Not recommended for Bastila fans. You’ve been warned!
1. Enemy fire

Hi everyone! It's been a while since I wrote a story. This is really a half-hearted story. I may or may not continue it. Let me know if you like it because I always appreciate your comments.

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.

* * *

"Carth, have I ever told you that when you wear that suit you look like a big teddy bear, which in turn makes me want to glomp you?" Rena laughed cheerfully.

"All our space suits look the same! How is it that mine is the only one that looks like a teddy bear?!" Carth wined in his typical Carthy way that sounded like a dying Giraffe.

"The sooner we get to the bridge of the Leviathan the sooner we can get out of here." Bastila sighed.

"Why don't you jump off a cliff?" Rena muttered under her breath.

"Wait, what?!" Bastila turned.

"Nothing." Rena smiled incessantly, but stuck out her tongue as Bastila turned back around.

And so Rena, Carth, and Bastila made their way along the outdoor passage between the storage levels and the bridge of the Leviathan. However their progress was soooo slow that by the time they made it to the indoor airtight passage all the enemy sith had fallen asleep on the floor. After stealing their wallets and dipping all their hands in glasses of water the threesome made their way up to the bridge.

"Wait, before we burst into the room shouting and making fools of ourselves, does anyone have a plan?" Bastila questioned holding them back.

"I've got a plan. We rush in their shouting and making fools of ourselves and kill them!" Rena shouted pushing forward.

"Wait, Bastila has a point." Carth agreed.

"Thank you Carth."

"I say we throw Bastila through the doors and see what happens. If that fails we rush at them shouting while making fools of ourselves at the same time. They'll be so surprised that they just might give up." Carth explained.

"Wait, what?!" Bastila cried.

"I like it! Let's do it!" Rena agreed.

They grabbed Bastila, ran up to the doors and threw her face first into the bridge. Rena and Carth listened from the doorway and after some shouting and blaster fire the room seemed to have gone quiet. After a few minutes of arguing they charged through the door shouting. They immediately stopped in their tracks as some nine or ten blasters were aimed at their heads.

"Well Carth I must admit that throwing your friend at us was a clever plan. You almost had us there for a minute." Saul sneered. "But as you can see your attempt was futile!"

Bastila lay on the floor face down a few feet away from were they stood.

"Today is the day you die Saul!" Carth snarled griping the handle of his blaster.

"Oh I don't think so. In fact if you'd like to surrender, Lord Malak will be along shortly to dispose of you." Saul smiled.

"You like to hear yourself talk, don't you?" Rena pointed out.

Carth ran forward firing his blasters at in all directions. Rena powered up her shield and began taking out the guards at the door. She swung her sabers through the guards smoothly cutting them in half before they could respond. Rena then moved along the right side of the room while Carth gunned down two sith on the left side. After five or more minutes they had dispatched of the sith and Saul.

"Well that was easy." Carth remarked

"I don't see why we couldn't have done that in the first place." Rena responded as she collected credits from the corpses.

"Dramatic affect. They never saw it coming." Carth announced proudly.

"Carth!" Saul called in a hoarse whisper.

Carth walked off to Saul as Bastila came up to Rena.

"I just opened the hanger bay so we can get out of here." She reported.

"How is it that you're still alive?" Rena turned to Bastila questioningly.

"Oh I found a couple of med packs on our way here and used them." Bastila replied. "I find them very useful when you push me into enemy fire."

"From now on you give me every med pack you find." Rena muttered angrily as she moved off toward Carth and Saul. "Hey Carth, we've got to get going before tin can face shows up." She called coming closer.

"Carth before I go I want to say I love you." Saul whispered before going still.

"Whoa! I did not need to hear that!" Rena stepped back.

"What?! No, I'm not gay!" Carth reassured her hastily.

"This is awkward." Rena

"Hey guys, we have to leave before Malak comes!" Bastila called from the doorway.

Agreeing never to mention Saul's last words again, Carth and Rena joined up with Bastila and headed to the hanger bay. They cut down all enemies in their path because they were cool like that. When it seemed like they had a clear shot to the hanger their luck took a turn for the worse.

"Holy crap, it's Malak!" Rena shouted upon seeing the medal headed sith lord as the door shot open.

"Why thank you for the introduction Rena! Mahahahahahahahaha!" Malak mechanical laughter filled the hall.

"Hax! What are you doing here?!" Rena exclaimed with more drama than needed.

"Oh no, foolish Jedi, the question is why are you here?! Malak challenged.

"We asked you first!" Carth chimed in, crossing his arms.

"Well it's my ship!"

"Rock, paper, scissors!" Rena proclaimed as she prepared her hands.

At the count of three they showed their hands.

"Ha! Scissors! Beat that!"

"Rock!" Rena declared confidently.

"Damn! Ok I came to capture Bastila and kill the rest of you, happy now?" Malak sighed clearly getting annoyed.

"Oh…well if you want Bastila we could arrange a deal."

"Say _what?!_" Bastila questioned hysterically.

"Or I could take her and just kill you." Malak suggested.

"Or you could try and I could kick your ass!" Rena challenged, drawing out her light saber.

"You were always quick to anger 'Rena'." Malak sneered.

"Wait, you know him?" Carth questioned Rena.

"Oh me and 'Rena' go way back." Malak laughed evilly.

"Why do you keep putting '' around my name?" Rena inquired get more irritated by the minute. They really needed to get of this ship and soon.

"Well what if I told you that you aren't really the Jedi individual named Rena?" Malak hinted hopefully.

"Oh, yeah right." Rena scoffed, rolling her eyes. "What - it's not like I'm the dark lord Revan or anything."

"Um..."

"Oh oh! And you tried to kill me but failed, so you took my place in the mean time."

"Yeah uh-" Malak tried again.

"And _then _it turns out that the last few years of my life were just something the Jedi counsel made up. How ridiculous would that be?!" Rena laughed, but quickly stopped. "Why is everyone staring at me?'


	2. The unfortunate truth

I think I did a better job on this chapter than the last one. I'm finally starting to get into the flow of this story, so the humor will come more naturally. Don't worry leogrl19, I'm going to keep going on this story (so you don't have to kill me …please.). No Koch that joke wasn't about you (however it might start getting familiar). Thank you for all the reviews, I love all your feedback! Enjoy! vanishes in a puff of smoke

* * *

"How do I put this…Rena you _are_ Revan." Malak admitted. He had wanted the terrible news to be a little less…straightforward.

In waiting for a response Rena had taken a drink from her canteen only to spray Mountain Dew out all over the back of Bastila's head. "Say _What?!_"

"You are the dark lord Revan." Malak explained saying it slowly and loudly as if Rena spoke Twi'lek.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?!" She shouted whacking Bastila upside the head with her canteen.

"The Jedi counsel wouldn't allow it!" Bastila answered rather hastily rubbing her head.

"How can this be?!" Rena turned back to Malak.

"Well actually you explained it pretty accurately by yourself…are you sure you didn't already know?" Malak responded ducking quickly to avoid getting clocked in the head with a canteen.

"I _knew_ it! You are evil just like Saul!" Carth pointed accusingly.

"Your boyfriend is nowhere as evil as Revan." Malak said turning to Carth.

"_What?! _How did you know! cough I mean it's not like that! I mean…. I'm not gay!" Carth shouted in panic.

"You seem awfully defensive Carth, do you want to talk about it?" Bastila offered.

"No I don't!" Carth shouted hysterically.

"Well as fun as this has been, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to kill you now." Malak sighed as he igniting his light saber.

"Are you forgetting that you're outnumbered three to one?" Carth questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you forgetting that I'm a super awesome sith lord? Besides Bastila doesn't really count because the only thing good about her is her battle meditation." Malak countered.

"And she never seems to be able to die." Rena added irritatedly. "I swear she has like cheat codes or something!"

"You know I've been in the room this whole time!" Bastila fumed.

"Anyway it's time to kick your ass, Malak!" Rena cried out angrily, completely ignoring Bastila.

Rena charged forward and swung at Malak's head. Malak ducked and put up a stasis field around Carth and Bastila before knocking Rena back into the wall. Swinging low with her light saber, Rena caught Malak off guard and gave him an uppercut however it didn't have the desired affect because she had forgotten that his chin was made of metal.

"Ow! That hurt!" Rena cried shaking her hand out as it began to throb.

Before Rena could proceed to attack Malak again the door between them closed off. Determined to get revenge she took a short cut along a back hallway to where Malak should have been. Charging forward through the last airlock door Rena found Malak prepared to continue the battle.

But before either could do anything Bastila burst clumsily through the previous door (AN- too many doors!) and ran forward to attack Malak's exposed back.

"Bastila what are you doing?! This is my fight!" Rena shouted.

"Let it go, Rena. You're the main character. You'll get tons more experience points than her in the end. Besides now is a good time to ditch her and get out of here. Maybe if we're lucky Malak will kill her." Carth pointed out coming up from behind.

"I see your point. Let's go!"

They ran down the hallway leaving Bastila to fend off Malak as they made their escape. They ran into the docking bay and ran up the ramp of the Ebon Hawk. The engines where ready within minutes and by the time Malak had realized that they had escaped the Hawk hit light speed.

* * *

"Well wasn't that fun." Rena sighed as she reclined back in her chair in the main hold. She had just pulled her hood up over her head when the inquisition began.

"Hey, you guys made it back ok." Mission sighed in relief and scanned the room that was quick becoming inhabited. "Where's Bastila?"

"Mission I think the more important question is who cares?" Rena said as she crossed her legs on top of the hologram consol. "I don't want to sound too optimistic but she's probably off getting tortured."

"So you're saying that Malak has her." Jolee confirmed crossing his arms.

Rena shrugged. "You win some, you lose some."

"I think the bigger issue is what you're hiding from everyone!" Carth cried out pointing his finger at Rena accusingly.

"Oh you're not going on about that whole gay joke thing are you? Its ok Carth the important thing is to accept who you are and get on with life. I never really had an interest in you anyway." Rena reassured.

"No! No! She's kidding everyone!" Carth franticly shouted causing everyone to raise an eyebrow. "No. What I meant is the fact that you're Revan!"

"Oh, I already got over that. Actually I think it's kind of bad ass that I'm a sith lord." Rena said casually.

"No way, you're a sith lord! Bad ass!" Canderous exclaimed excitedly giving her a high five.

"Well I'm for once in no position to argue, considering that I'm neutral." Jolee shrugged.

"Two down, six to go!" Rena smiled evilly at an angry Carth.

"Well I guess as long as you don't try to kill us in our sleep it's all cool." Mission considered.

"Raaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr!" Zalbar roared eagerly. Translation: either, "I have made a life debt to you Rena. It doesn't matter whether you are a sith lord or not, for I will follow you to the end." Or, "I stole the cookie from the cookie jar."

"I think that makes four." Rena scratched her head looking through her Wookie to Basic dictionary.

"As far as I'm concerned you're the same person as before." Juhani said. "Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to sniff some cat nip!" She ran off purring, slamming the airlock behind her.

"Concerned statement: Master I believe that your recent discovery of the fact that you are Revan is affecting me." HK-47 exclaimed.

"Whoa, I didn't know you had those kinds of feelings HK." Rena said backing up.

"Hasty explanation: Not like that Master! I mean I think that I was once your droid. It is good to know that I have now found you unharmed master Revan." HK excitedly ran up and glomped Rena.

"That's nice HK but could you stop cutting off my air supply?" Rena choked out patting him on the back.

The droid released Rena and stood obediently at her side like an overjoyed dog. Of course a sniper rifle wielding, deadly, assassin but still an overjoyed dog.

"Well Carth, what do you say?" Rena smiled sensing an easy defeat.

"You didn't ask T3 yet!" Carth shouted hopefully.

"Beep bob a dop beep." Translation: Sorry Carth, you're out of luck." T3 said as he wheeled right by, not even stopping.

"Traitor!" He shouted after the little droid.

"Well that's finally settled." Rena shouted passing out bottles of Juma juice and raising a toast. "To Manon we go and to the last Star Map!"


	3. It’s a gift

AN: Sorry it took me so long to update. I had finals all last week so I didn't really have time to write. Also I suffered for two days from writers block. And lastly my computer was being stupid and wouldn't upload this chapter under certain conditions. But past the drama of me, I felt this chapter wasn't as good as the others. I gave Jolee a little more of a role in this chapter, which is always good. Now before I begin to ramble, force persuade you will read and review force persuade. Now back to my Adema! .

* * *

"I'm tired of all these stupid gizka on this stupid ship!" Rena shouted violently punting one out the loading ramp. "You kill them and they just keep coming back!"

"Kind of like Bastila." Carth muttered watch as Rena rip another gizka from Mission's arms ignoring her pleads of "But their sooo cute, you can't just kill them!"

Carth felt it was time to talk to Rena about her unreasonable behavior. In less than 48 hours of landing on the surface of Manaan, she had helped Jolee's friend get landed in jail for eternity for stating to the judges that 'you wouldn't know evidence if it bite you on the ass!" She then took Jolee to the swoop races to cheer him up but only succeeded in blowing 500 credits and becoming considerably inebriated. After that she decided to pick a fight with every sith in Ahto City by questioning if their mother was a kath hound. It had been one of her more impressive attempts at destroying a planet and its people without even trying.

Presently she was entertaining herself with the effects of force lightning on a gizka, much to Missions displeasure.

"Something smells good." Jolee noted strolling into the room and spotting the now charred corpse of the gizka. "You going to eat that?" He questioned.

"_You're_ going to eat it?!" Rena asked in disbelief.

"You don't want to know what I ate back on Kashyyyk." Jolee warned, darkly picking up the fried gizka and heading back to the medical bay whistling.

A creepy silence hung over the room.

"Old people scare me." Mission shuddered after a minute and got up to leave the room.

"Hey Rena I wanted to talk to you." Carth remembered snapping back to reality.

"I told you Carth, you need to accept who you are. I know you're still upset about Saul."

"Will you stop that? We need to talk about you being Revan!" Carth shouted blushing red.

"I thought we already went over this." Rena sighed over exaggeratedly.

"It's just that you seem to be taking on your new found identity with a little too much…emphasis." Carth explained.

"Whoa wait a minute, is this about me trying to feed Zalbar your orange flight jacket?"

"No! Wait…what? How is it that every time we start talking about something, you manage to distract me?" Carth sighed exasperatedly.

"It's a gift." Rena shrugged.

"Well we need to get down to the republic base. I just got a message from them giving us the heads up to take a submarine down to the ocean floor. That where you said you saw that vision of the last star map, right?"

"I wonder, what was the best thing before sliced bread?" Rena questioned completely ignoring Carth.

"See! This is what I mean! You're so random!" Carth whined.

"What are you talking about Carth. You should be more focused on such serious matters. You and Jolee will accompany me to the republic base. It time we found that last star map." Rena declared walking past him to gather her supplies, leaving Carth in a daze.

They went to the republic base and talked to the commander. He told them that they would need to take a submarine in down to the republic station in order to investigate a series of distress signals. According to the report they were having problems withfiraxin sharks but the commander thought there was more to it.

"Now be careful. We've been getting strange reports from the station and I don't want things to look suspicious." The republic commander warned. "Just don't do anything stupid! We don't need anymore problems than we already have."

"In other words don't do anything you would normally do." Carth hissed to Rena which she responded by kicking him in the shin.

They made their way into the next room, a small hanger for submarines. Rena made a face at the water that lapped at the edges of the sub. She didn't like water which sucked because they where on a planet that was one big ball of water floating in space.

"I'm driving!" Rena shouted snatching the keys from the commander's hand.

"Hold on! I think you both can agree that I'm a much more experienced driver." Carth pointed out. "Remember, it was you who drove the escape pod from the Endar Spire. I really don't want another mess like that."

"In my day we didn't have submarines!" Jolee said randomly. It seemed like whenever Jolee said anything an odd silence would follow.

They climbed into the sub, Carth at the wheel, and made their way down to the secret republic research station. Rena watched glumly as bubbles swam past them to the surface. She let out an over exaggerated sigh every 30 seconds to let Carth know that she was annoyed. This was going to be a long mission.

* * *

After 15 minutes the threesome made their way to the submarine hanger at the republic research station. They noticed a freaked out republic solider run through the hanger door and lock it. Curious, they made their way to the solider.

"What are you doing here?!" He shouted hysterically regardless of the fact that they were only a couple of feet away.

"We're here to investigate this station. The republic base in Ahto city kept getting distress signals from this place." Jolee explained. "Is there something wrong?" He asked looking up at the door with a frown.

"The Selkath researchers have gone crazy! They're attacking and killing us for no reason!" The solider frantically explained waving his hands in the air.

"Get a hold of yourself man!" Rena shouted smacking him across the face. Carth glared at her accusingly. "What? I've always wanted to do that." She smiled widely.

"Well we'll have to see this for ourselves." Carth said unlocking the door.

"Don't do it! You'll never come back!" The solider pleaded from the door way.

"You know, if this was a horror movie the fact that he made that last comment would usually mean that the three of us are doomed." Rena recognized.

"Well good thing this isn't." Jolee said in his creepy voice as he held a lit flashlight under his face. "Mah ha ha ha!"

"If that's the way I act when I get to be as old as him, please shoot me." Rena said turning to Carth.

Rena led the way with Carth and Jolee scanning the area behind them. Rena poked her head through a door on their left that was left ajar.

"Holy shit!" She shouted lobbing a grenade through the door and slamming it shut as the explosion was unleashed.

"What was that for?" Carth looked at her as if she was insane.

She opened the door again and they followed her inside. Scattered on the floor were the remains of what looked like two selkath and a republic solider.

"Are you stupid or something? You killed a solider! Don't be throwing grenades into every room we pass!" Carth shouted in anger at Rena's obvious lack of interest.

"Awe sweet, weapons!" Rena said excitedly stepping over the bodies and opening a locker at the end of the room.

"It was probably too late for him." Jolee said sadly laying a hand on Carth's shoulder in the other was the flashlight positioned under his chin. "I heard that once you're infected you become one of them."

"This isn't Resident Evil!" Carth shouted.

"Cheer up emo! Here, have a gun!" Rena smiled mockingly as she pushed one of the new weapons into his hands along with the rest of the contents of the locker.

They made their way along the rest of the station in much of the same manner. There were hardly any survivors to be found. All had died when the selkath had attacked. They came across a small circular room. There were two doors in the room and dead bodies on the floor.

"Ewe." Rena commented as she noted the bodies. She then proceeded to open up the lockers and throw the contents to Jolee to put in their packs.

"Morally isn't it considered wrong to be stealing from the dead?" Carth noted in disgust.

"Why? They don't need this stuff any more." Rena said throwing two or three med packs to Jolee.

"Technically this stuff still belongs to the republic. Of which I am still apart of." He pointed out.

"Cool. Then you can tell your republic buddies that we're borrowing this stuff." Rena replied simply.

"Carth, if this was a horror movie you wouldn't last very long." Jolee remarked pointing his flashlight at him.

Carth sighed. He felt like wherever he went he was never taken very seriously.

They made their way to the east wing of the station. Mowing down the selkath as they went and looting the credits that they could find. They then came to a room that had an airlock door leading out to the ocean floor.

"Well there's another section of the station that's only accessible through the walkway outside. Carth explained examining a sign stating 'You are here!' I guess one of us has to go investigate and look for any survivors in the area." He said looking up.

"Can't we just pretend that the building blew up and there's nothing to investigate?" Rena smiled holding up a couple of grenades.

"You know, for a Jedi you sure like explosives as opposed to light sabers." Jolee commented.

"I like it when things go boom!" Rena smiled innocently.

"Well I guess I better do this so that we don't have to explain to the republic commander why two thirds of his station went boom." Carth muttered.

"No Carth! Remember that there are rabid firaxin sharks out there. And when you put on any kind of environment suit, you look like a teddy bear!" Rena gasped.

"She has a point Carth. You better let her do this." Jolee agreed.

"Why is it that I'm the only one that looks like a teddy bear in that suit?!" Carth whined. "And why can't you do this, Jolee?"

"Because." Jolee said simply.

"Because isn't an answer." Carth complained.

"It is now." Jolee said pointing his flashlight at Carth.

Rena stepped out into the water. The environment suit felt fat and puffy as she tried to move. And its ungodly mustard yellow alone should have scared away all sea life with in five miles.

"Yeah you - in the ungodly mustard yellow environment suit!" Called a voice from nearby.

In the low light Rena could make out the form of another person. He too wore an environment suit. She made her way over to him.

"You must be another survivor. Come with me and we can get to the separate section of the station. There are other survivors there." The man said.

'This is convenient' Rena thought to herself as she followed the man out on to the sea floor.

"Look out for the firaxin sharks, their everywhere." He cautioned just as a firaxin shark came down and took him away somewhat anticlimactically.

"Well another one bits the dust." Rena stated in shock. She leaned down and picked up the weird sonar gun that he was carrying. "This should come in handy."

She made her way out onto the ocean floor of Manaan. Firaxin sharks where everywhere. The things were as big a Rena herself and could swallow her in one mouthful if they wanted. Even the mustard environment suit, she noted, didn't seem to affect them.

'Well this is going to suck!' She thought to herself.


	4. Of firaxin sharks

Hi everyone! Another satisfactory chapter. Bear with me, I promise to try and make them funnier. The next chapter will be a little delayed, but I promise it will be a whole lot better than this one. Reviews are much appreciated. Don't abandon Me!

* * *

"Holy crap!" Rena gasped slamming and locking the airlock behind her.

She had just managed to escape the Firaxin sharks. In her state of shock she had forgotten about her new found sonar gun and high-tailed it out of there.

"No wonder they were trying to eat me! I look like a giant Twinkie!" She said looking down at her reflection in a pool of water on the floor.

After she had taken off the environment suit Rena began to make her way around the room. This was the place that the guy she had met outside had said was where the other survivors were before he was so tragically turned into fish food. She walked through another door and discovered two republic scientists standing there stupidly, twiddling their thumbs.

(AN: The scientists will be referred to as Jack and Jill, because I forget their names in the game and I'm to damn lazy to look them up.)

"Don't take another step closer!" Jack shouted hysterically.

"Can I take a step backwards?" Rena asked puzzled at the scientist's hostile nature. "Is this how you greet all your guests?"

"No! Don't move at all! You're working with the selkath, aren't you?! You'll lead them right to us!" He shouted in response.

"If I were a selkath, I wouldn't go near you out of fear of catching something." Rena admitted backing away. "Are you cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs?!"

"Hold on, she might be here to help us! Just listen to her for a minute." Jill spoke up.

"Yeah!...what she said." Rena agreed.

Before she could say anything else Jack slammed his fist down on a control panel next to him. An energy field sprang up around all the exits and separated Rena from the two.

"In one minute all the air in that chamber will be drained! So if you're not a selkath spy talk fast!" Jack scowled.

"I think you and Carth would get along really well. You both love to accuse people of the smallest things." Rena commented.

"50 seconds." A mechanical voice reverberated through the room.

"What?! She could help us get out of here!" Jill pleaded with her companion.

"But she could be a spy!" He shouted back.

"I could be the tooth fairy for all I care, get me out of here!" Rena shouted pounding on the energy shield.

"Give me one good reason." Jack shouted back.

"30 seconds." The mechanical voice said again.

"Listen, I don't want to hurry this along or anything, but I really don't want to die. I'm mean that would just be embarrassing to die of suffocation." Rena explained coolly.

"Do you promise not to do anything funny?" Jack asked reluctantly.

"Promise." Rena sighed with relief.

The energy shield lowered and Rena stepped quickly toward them. She quickly explained her situation to the two scientists.

"So, do you guys have any idea what drove the selkath insane?" Rena asked at length.

"Well it could very well be that ginormous firaxin shark that came out of the Kolto fields." Jill observed. "Odd that we didn't suspect that earlier considering that it's the only thing that seems out of place here lately."

"Damn, what is with this place and sharks! Why not some nice goldfish? Last I checked they don't rip people's heads off!" Rena yelled.

"What do you think ate all the goldfish?" Jack asked darkly.

"Well the only possible way you could draw the enormous firaxin shark out is to over-ride the kolto supply tanks and hope that the shark is driven away by the explosion." Jack offered.

"Not fast enough! As you can probably tell I wouldn't have the attention span to figure out how to do something like that!" Rena rebuked.

"Well… you could just poison the hell out of him." Jack volunteered.

"Now that's more like it!" Rena cheered.

"Are you an idiot?! We've never tested that poison out before. It could have severely negative effects on the environment! There's no way I'm going to let you use that stuff!" Jill protested whacking Jack upside the head.

"So what! It would get ride of some of your firaxin shark problem. What's the worst that can happen?" Rena asked reassuringly.

"Manaan is one big ball of water! Worst case scenario you could kill the entire planet!" Jill explained whacking Rena upside the head this time.

"So where is this so called poison?" Rena asked turning to Jack, completely ignoring Jill.

"Right here!" He said cheerfully handing her a jumbo size can of 'Off, special shark repellent addition'.

"You sure this will work?" Rena asked doubtfully. She wasn't sure she wanted to put her life in the hands of a can of Off.

"Twenty credits says it will work better than that sonar gun of yours." Jack reassured her.

Grudgingly Rena slipped the environment suit back on and flopped out of the airtight chamber into the eerie waters. It was apparent that the sharks were just about everywhere, however all that could be seen where their looming shadows on the ocean floor as they swam by.

The ridiculously large can of pest repellent required two hands to transport. She held it out threateningly to anything that dare get to close to her. Jack had been right, the mere sight of the can of Off had the menacing sharks stopping in their tracks.

"Carth's going to kill me when he finds out that I'm going to practically destroy an entire planet." Rena thought to herself. But then again, it wouldn't have been her first time.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…

"My 'Rena's going to destroy an entire planet because I wasn't there to nag her otherwise' senses are tingling!" Carth shouted rising to his feet.

"Are you always this paranoid?" Jolee grumbled.

Off in the background somewhere a coo-coo clock was chiming randomly.

Meanwhile…again…

After some close skirmishes with some firaxin sharks Rena was at the control panel of the kolto supply tanks. Scanning the panel briefly she decided to hell with it and hooked up the bottle of 'Off shark repellent'.

She turned to observe a ginormous firaxin shark hovering with a bad ass aura over the last star map. Rena noted with dull amusement that she herself was as tall as one of its many razor sharp teeth.

She pulled down the lever sharply and watched as the shark got a face full of the shark repellent. It roared in irritation before it keeled over and floated away to the surface belly up.

Rena though of the odd scene the inhabitants of Ahto City would find when they looked out over the ocean to find the corpse of the giant fish bobbing at the surface. She knew for sure that the selkath residents would piss themselves which only made her actions all that much more rewarding.

She moon-walked her way to the star map. As she approached it began to open and go through its rehearsed dramatic motions. Rena let out a large yawn to express her boredom, after seeing this four times she wasn't all that excited.

After taking down the coordinates on a small data pad she made her way back to the section of the station where she had left Carth and Jolee.

"What did you do?!" Carth shouted as Rena stepped through the airlock.

"What do you mean?" Rena asked puzzled, throwing the environment suit in disgust across the floor where it fell with a 'plop'.

"How did you get past the giant firaxin shark?!" Carth asked in disbelief at Rena's clueless ness.

"How did you know about the firaxin shark that was guarding the star map?" Rena questioned raising an eyebrow.

"Uhhhhh. Bad plot device?" Jolee offered.

"Meh, I'll buy that." Rena said chucking the data pad to Carth. "Let's just say that everyone's going to be pissed at us when we get back to Ahto City."

"Well I'm glad it's all over lets get out of here." Carth sighed.

"Wait, don't move! I sense a disturbance in the Force!" Rena cautioned stopping Carth before he got to the door.

"Sorry, that was me." Jolee admitted blushing.

"No there's a different disturbance here." Rena said with a frown.

"Oh come on. What's the worst that could happen? It not like there's one, no, no, two sith lords right behind this door." Carth reassured.

The door swung to revel two sith lords standing in the hall way. If there was one thing the threesome could count on it was sweet irony.

"Oh for the love-of-the-Force!" Carth shouted agitatedly.

"You just had to say something didn't you Carth!" Jolee shouted smacked him upside the head.

"Dag! We thought that you guys would never come out of there!" The shorter of the two sith complained.

"What are you complaining about? Do you know how inconvenient this makes our situation? After hours of fighting our way past selkath and firaxin sharks just to get this! holds up data pad Now you guys show up and plain to gank us! This job sucks!"

Everyone stopped and looked at Rena, shocked by her frustrated outburst.

"Uh. We're going to kill you now, ok?" The taller sith announced cautiously.

The two sith lords drew out their light sabers and charged forward. Rena and Jolee pulled out theirs and met them half-way while Carth provided cover fire.

After disposing of the two sith the three companions began to make their way back to the submarine hanger.

"So what did you do to kill that giant firaxin shark anyway?" Jolee asked Rena.

"Oh that. I poisoned the sucker." Rena announced unfazed.

"You what?! Do you have any idea how much crap we're going to catch as it is from the republic commander? No, how much crap _I'm_ going to catch!" Carth wined like an injured giraffe.

"Don't sweat the small stuff, Carth. The way I see it the little republic base will be a small price to pay next to what the whole of Manaan has planned for us.

"Don't worry guys! If you end up being shunned by all society we can all go back to my place on Kashyyyk and all be outcasts together!" Jolee offered cheerfully.


	5. Coconuts and complaints

I could tell you a million different reasons why I couldn't post my story in a timely manner but you probably just want to read the story and none of my boring rant. I will say it involved school and the primary fact that I'm considerably lazy by nature. Ah, an angry mob of reviewers has already assembled outside my chamber door baring pitch forks and torches. I guess this is farewell until next post!

* * *

"Carth who let you into my stash of Juma Juice?!" Rena sighed staring up at the now trashed hull of the Ebon Hawk. 

"I wasn't drunk! I told you we hit some kind of force field that's surrounding the Star Forge. Can't you tell that be the countless other ships crashed on this beach?" Carth defended.

"Impossible! There's bottles' missing!"

"Oh, those were yours?" Canderous piped up. "You couldn't imagine my surprise getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and finding instead a mountain of alcohol! That's the kind of thing Mandalorians dream about!"

"I'll deal with you later!" Rena hissed venomously to Canderous.

"Well if we don't shut down that force field somehow every ship in the republic is going to end up on this beach in a dog pile. Not to mention we'll be the pancake on the bottom." Carth explained.

"Hey guys look what I found!" Mission shouted as she ran forward with an arm full of gizka.

"You bring those things any closer and I'm feeding them to Jolee." Rena threatened sending a small jolt of lightning from her fingertips to emphasize her point.

"Noooooooo!"

The crew whirled around to find said Jolee shaking a fist at a broken down ship half buried in the sand that appeared to have suffered a worse fait than the Ebon Hawk.

"The fools! They've blown it up! Damn them all to Hell!" Jolee yelled at the ship through dramatic sobs.

"Jolee, you're so old I don't thing anyone got that joke." Rena sighed rubbing her temples.

It had been two days since they where promptly kicked off of Manaan. The court had ruled in favor of executing the threesome but decided it would be hard to cover up the absence of one as noticeable as Rena. So, instead, they were ban from the planet for all eternity. Most would have thought this reasoning a little harsh until they discovered that Rena's actions not only polluted the environment of Manaan but also damaged the Kolto supply into utter destruction.

This of course meant that med pack prices would skyrocket. However it never fazed Rena - why should it? She was rich off of credits she looted from corpses.

As of twenty minutes ago however their situation took a definite turn for the worst.

After Carth accounted for all the damage, he gathered to crew together for the report.

"We can probably salvage all this stuff off of the damaged ships in the area." Carth concluded.

"Is that a good idea? Taking damaged parts from damaged ships and expecting them to run without a problem?" Mission pointed out.

"Well, that's what Duct tape is for." Rena smiled widely threatening to tape Mission's mouth shut.

"If we're lucky the parts we find should get us at least to the Star Forge. We should split up into two to three man groups and see what we can find. The droids can stay here and try to fix up the ship in the meantime."

"Oh sure, it sounds like a good idea now but what about when the killer comes up from behind and-."

"Mission, I thought we got over the scary movie jest in chapter three. Besides everyone knows if there really was a killer on the loose he'd go after the less notable side characters first, characters like you." Rena explained pulling out Jolee's flashlight.

After splitting up into groups the crew set out to do what they do best, scavenge for stuff. Carth, Rena, and Jolee made their way up into the mainland of the island leaving Canderous, Juhani, and Mission to comb the beach.

"Man this place is awesome! We should forget Malak and build a resort here!" Rena said as she marveled at the view of the ocean. "You could give people a discount if they crash here but then jack up the price of repairs. It's foolproof!"

"Hey Carth! Think fast!" Jolee shouted as he threw a coconut at Carth's head.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?!" Carth fumed rubbing a large bump that began to form on his head.

"Oh, sorry. I thought that that was a part for the ship. My eye sight is getting worst and worst these days." Jolee rambled on in apology.

"So if it was a part for the ship you would have lobbed it at my head?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"I'm surrounded by idiots!" Carth whined.

"No more so than yourself, drama queen." Rena countered as she walked by.

Rena walked over to a pile of rusted junk when a very pointy spear made its way into her field of vision. Three wired looking alien-fish-looking-people (AN- I forget what they're called) stepped out from behind the junk pile, each had a spear pointed at Carth.

"Why are they pointing them at me?" Carth whined.

"It's a complement Carth. They find you the most threatening. Rena and I will later use that as an excuse to get away while their killing you." Jolee explained as if it were obvious.

"But I'm too important to the storyline to die! I miss the days when we had Bastila to push in front of us as a shield." Carth grumbled.

"Don't give me that! You had it coming, thinking you could take all the narration focus from me." Rena fumed crossing her arms.

"Tell your girly friend to shut up!" One of the fish-people commanded to Rena.

"Hey Carth. They said to shut it or they're going to kill you." Rena told him nonchalantly.

"You speak fish-people?" Jolee asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I learned it way back when I came to this planet as Revan. Hell of a lot easier to learn than Twi'lek. The question is how did they know that I spoke fish-people?" Rena said turning to the one that had spoken up.

"Darth Phex told us. She said this whole discussion was too confusing to narrate to go into too much detail with." The fish-man explained.

"Well that does save us some time." Rena agreed.

Back at the Ebon Hawk…

"Canderous don't you think the others should be back by now?" Mission asked the sun bathing mandalorian.

"You are the most annoying kid I have ever met. Aren't teens supposed to rebel against figures of authority and get impulses to do stupid things?" Canderous asked lowering his sun glasses to give Mission an accusing glance.

"Well normally I would agree with you, but we already have so many people in this crew that rebel against authority and do stupid things. It would be overkill to add myself to that list." Mission pointed out.

"You know that's pretty deep thinking for a teenager." Canderous marveled. However when he turned to Mission she was a hundred yards in the other direction glomping a helpless gizka. "Or maybe not." He sighed turning his attention back to sun bathing.

Meanwhile, back with our three heroes… after being marched halfway across the island…

"So let me get this straight. You've been waiting for five odd years for me to come back?" Rena asked their guide.

"Yeah. Ever since you and Malak left to take over the Star Forge. We agreed to help you find it if you came back to help us out." The guide confirmed.

"And you actually believed a couple of sith lords to pay up on their end of the deal? You'd have an easier time convincing Zalbar to go vegetarian!"

They made their way into a small clearing. In the distance they could see an enclave of sorts. Here and there walked more fish-people. There were also several pigmy sized rancor, all standing in formation.

"Dag. Between the last two worlds we've visited you could open your own sushi bar." Jolee mumbled under his breath.

"Holy crap!" Carth cried out as one of the rancor in formation decided to lunge out at him.

"Stay perfectly still Carth. They have very poor eye sight." Jolee instructed.

"Poor eye sight my ass!" Carth shouted as it made another swing at him.

"What can I say Carth. It seems like you seem to piss off all of nature with just your presents. Can't say that I sympathize with you." Rena commented.

Once they got inside the enclave (in one piece more or less) they were led to a large open arena-like room. On either side were separate rooms. Through the room's bared doors they could see more pigmy rancor, their floors littered with bones and dead bodies.

"Amazing how a few corpses can really spruce up the place and make it feel like home." Jolee commented in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Ah, Revan. I knew you would come back." A figure, who could be assumed to be the head fish-man of the enclave, turned to them as they approached.

"Actually I very much doubt I had any intentions as Revan to come back here. You know, that's just how I roll."

"Well that makes no difference. Now that you're marooned on this island you have to live up to your end of the bargain."

"What do you need?"

"We need you to 'take care of' the elders on the other side of the island. Their disrupting our plans to turn this planet into one big resort. We were planning on give people discounts if they crash here but then jack up the price of repairs." The head fish-man explained.

"Hey! That was my idea!" Rena countered.

"Actually, you proposed the idea to Malak before you left. It a shame, we were going to give you 50 of the profits if you invested in us. But you never came back."

"Ok, ok. So you're putting a hit on the elders. If I do this for you you'll take me up for partnership again right?" Rena crossed her fingers. Carth elbowed her hard in the ribs. "Ow! Oh yeah, we also need you to lower the force field around the Star Forge too."

The lead fish-man considered this for a minute. "Deal. However you still have to invest in us."

"Damn."

* * *

Holds up tin collection can. "Reviews for the poor?" 


	6. The temple of DOOM

I'm back! I been sick recently and thought to myself, what better way to exploit my illness than to work on my fanfiction. After all nothing, I find, works better when writing humor than having a fever. Because of this you may find a few things random and unrelated to the story. If I may be so bold, I think this is one of my better chapters, but I'll let the reader decide.

Ps. Does anyone know the technical name for the 'fish people'? I haven't played the game in a while and am pretty much going off of memory. If you know could you review it to me? (hint hint)

* * *

"So how much can we repair with the parts we scraped?" Carth asked examining the main computer module in the engine room from behind T3.

"Beep bop dup boo boo beep bo bop." (It would be easier to just buy a new ship.) T3 retorted.

"That's beside the point! I know this ship is a piece of crap! I'm asking if you can do anything about it!"

"Dep bo mip mooo epp peep meep zeep boooooo beep." (Ok, ok! It will take awhile but I think I can get this tin can air born.)

Carth turned and walked out of the engine room with a stressed sigh. He looked around the sad excuse of a ship. Trash was everywhere not to mention they were developing a pest problem.

As he began collecting the trash, Carth recalled his adventure with Rena and Jolee the previous day. Well…more like disaster. They arrived at the elder's base-like-thing to have Rena rush forward and demand the threesome be let in. When asked their business she boldly declared that they were sent to kill the elders. This resulted in Carth and Jolee getting electrocuted to near death.

After that everything was a blur as Rena, Jolee, and himself ran around the enclave killing the elders to the sound of fast paced chase music. Though most of the time Carth found himself being chased in return by the sharp spears of the fish-people.

They had returned to the previous enclave to arrange their agreement with the leader. He agreed that he would allow Rena into the dark, eerie, temple but no one else. Carth had tried to explain to Rena that this could very well be a set up but she ignored him telling him that he shouldn't be jealous that he wasn't cool enough to come along.

Carth looked up from his musing at the sound of hurried foot steps. Jolee and Juhani burst into the room dramatically.

"Where's Rena?!"

"She went up to the temple. Don't you remember? We discussed it at breakfast." Carth said as he continued to collect discarded Hershey's rappers. 'What's with girls and chocolate anyway?' He thought to himself.

"Carth it's vital that Juhani and I find Rena!" Jolee shouted at Carth's face.

Carth reeled back. "So why don't you go find her instead of spiting in my face?"

"Oh………that may be a good idea. Come on Juhani!"

The two rushed past and out the loading ramp leaving Carth to his housekeeping.

"Wait! You two forgot your sack lunches!" Carth shouted after them.

* * *

Rena sat cross-legged on the ground playing solitaire on her comlink. After losing for the fifth time she looked up to the circle of chanting fish-people in frustration.

"How much longer?" Rena shouted. "We've been out here since this morning!"

"It's going to take a while. If you want to come back tomorrow we should be done by then." One of the fish-men called back.

Just then Jolee and Juhani ran up.

"Rena you can't go into the temple!...at least not alone, anyway." Juhani shouted.

"Why not?"

"There's some unexplainable doom waiting inside!" Jolee waved his hand franticly around in the air.

"DOOM!" Juhani shouted.

Rena and Jolee stared at her with arched eyebrows.

"Sorry." Juhani smiled sheepishly.

"Hey, we're done over here. Just incase you'd like to know." The fish-man called to Rena.

"That didn't take all day." Rena called back.

"The days are shorter here."

To all their amazement it had become night fall without anyone noticing. This only helped in making the temple even more dark and ominous every time the camera focused on it.

"Alright, let's go." Rena led the way.

"Wait a minute! Only you can go in!" The fish-man motioned toward Rena as he positioned himself between the three companions and the entrance to the temple.

"Follow my lead." Rena whispered back to Jolee and Juhani a confident smirk on her face.

With lightning reflexes honed and refined by years of intense Jedi training Rena pivoted on the spot and shot her pointer finger up into the air.

"WHAT IS THAT???!!!"

"Where?!" The fish-man turns to view the object of intense interest.

"Run!" She shouted to Jolee and Juhani.

The fish-man stood alone in the clearing still staring at the little puffs of smoke the three companions had left in their wake.

* * *

"Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Rena laughed like the French guy from the Little Mermaid. "This place just makes you want to burst out into spontaneous evil laughter!"

"But you're not evil, Rena." Juhani countered. "You're just severely misunderstood."

"Yeeeaaaahhhhh…lets go with that."

They walked along the stone corridors, their footsteps echoing obnoxiously off the walls. After they turned a corner Jolee stopped the group.

"I smell a sith lord!" He shouted in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Here I am!" Replied the sith as he repelled ninja-like from the ceiling.

As cool as his entrance was, the sith did not have the foresight to adjust the rope he was attached to so the ever slacking rope sent him right down on Rena's waiting light saber. They all winced in unison.

"That's a pretty useful party trick, Jolee."

"You think that's cool, watch this!" Jolee proceeded to stuff his entire fist in to his mouth.

"That special." Rena said with a look of disgust.

"Hum mummmhom!" Jolee mumbled excitedly through his fist as his eyes grew wide. He desperately tried to pull his fist out of his mouth, but no such luck.

"What?"

Jolee held up two fingers on his free hand toward Rena and Juhani.

"Oh I get it, it's charades!" Juhani purred as happy as an uneaten clam. "Lets see, two words."

Jolee held up one finger. He then pointed at his bottom.

"Oh _please_ Jolee, we don't want to go there. This is a family friendly game." Rena withdrew in disgust.

Juhani however, was undaunted. "Butt! No…umm bottom? No. Behind!"

To the last one Jolee nodded his head vigorously. His eyes grew even wider. He tried again to free his hand but couldn't. He franticly held up two fingers.

"Second word." Rena translated.

In frustration Jolee ignited his light saber and carved a giant letter 'U' on the wall.

"Jolee, that's cheating! You're supposed to act everything out!" Juhani pouted.

"Behind u? Wait a second! Behind you!" Rena realized.

She ignited her light saber and twirled around just in time to deflect a sith light saber. The two other companions drew out their light sabers and joined the foray. It took three more near-death experiences and a brush with a rather viscous hamster (which will not be discussed at the moment) before the hallway was yet again free of enemies.

Jolee finally managed to free his hand. He gasped for breath. "I'm too old for this stuff." He mumbled frowning.

"Ooooh! I get it! He was saying 'behind you'! I figured it out!" Juhani exclaimed excitedly.

Rena and Jolee stared at Juhani, mouths hanging open in disbelief.

"Oh my God, Juhani." Was all Rena could manage to say.

They preceded in much the same manner throughout the temple. They went from room to room killing unsuspecting sith and stealing their wallets. After running from giant boulders, being shot at by droids, and doing the two-step all over the place, by some great miracle they found their way to the second floor of the temple and eventually the roof.

A figure, robed in black, stood waiting ominously between the three companions and the control panel atop the roof - the control panel that could shut down the force field around the Star Forge. _The_ control panel that determined whether or not they could defeat Malak. _The One_ control panel that…well, you get the point.

"Revan! I knew you would come! I felt it in the force." The dark and creepy figure, in an attempt to be dramatic, threw off her robe but only succeeded in getting tangled in it.

"Damn it! I tool him this thing was too big! But Malak said it would make me look cool!" A whiny voice came from the mess of black robes.

"I know that whiny voice anywhere! A voice so irritating, it surpasses Carth's! (Gasp) It can't be! _Bastila?_" Rena let her jaw drop in disbelief.

Bastila finally freed herself from the cocoon of oversized robes and threw them to the side. They all watched as the robes spontaneously combusted.

"Right. Anyway, it is I, Bastila! You thought you could get rid of me so easily, didn't you Revan?"

"No, I was kind of hoping Malak could do that." Rena shrugged. "But if you want something done right, don't trust a dumb ass to do it for you." At this she ignited her light saber.

"Wait Rena! Bastila can come back to the light side. We don't have to fight each other." Juhani put herself between the two.

"Juhani, now is NOT the time to decide you want to be a pacifist!" Rena shouted in Juhani's ear.

"I always thought violence was like Duct tap, if it fails the first time, use more." Jolee explained cryptically.

They all turned and stared at him. Jolee smiled confidently back.

"Come Revan, Together we can overthrow Malak and rule the galaxy! Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA!"

"Why would I want the help of a deranged bitch like you?" Rena asked simply.

"Well...I…" Bastila pondered this for a minute. "I don't know really."

"How could you fall to the dark side Bastila?" Juhani gazed at her with puppy dog eyes (or rather kitty cat eyes).

"Well it was easy. At first I resisted. But then amongst the endless screams, babble, and occasional hilarious one-liners, I discovered something."

"That you suck?" Rena offered.

"That ice cream tastes better when eaten upside down?" Juhani asked.

"The answer to the meaning of life?" Jolee tried.

"No. I discovered that I hate you all and the best chance I have of killing you is to join Malak." Bastila smiled wickedly.

"I'm tired of this. Bring it on!" Rena raised her light saber and flew threw the air at her enemy with skill in a way that suggested years of intense training in combat, or high-budget special effects equipment.

Their light sabers met and hissed angrily. Jolee and Juhani ate popcorn and watched as the two fought.

Bastila parried and did a fancy flip to avoid being cut two. They twirled, jabbed, and sliced at each other, but in the end threw their light sabers to the side and begin smacking, hitting, and pulling hair.

"I see you are stronger than before, Revan. I offer you one last chance, join me and we can defeat Malak and the Republic all in one." Bastila proposed.

"No thanks. I can do that myself, thank you."

"Very well" Bastila said as she fell into a battle stance.

Rena tensed, unsure of what to expect. Cruel eyes snapped open making the smile Bastila bore all the more lethal. She balled her hands into fists, dug her feet into the ground, and……………. ran like hell!

They watched as she hopped into the cockpit of her ship (which I forgot to mention was there the whole time this was happening) and sped away. All the while an evil laughter could be heard trailing behind.

"Well that was anticlimactic." Jolee complained.

"Yeah, well this is Bastila we're talking about." Rena sighed as she walked over to the control panel and deactivated the force field.

"Where are we going now?" Juhani asked sitting up.

"To the land of milk and honey!"

"Really?!"

"No." Rena said her face devoid of all emotion. "We're going to the Star Forge! Duh!"

* * *

Rena watched as Carth slept. 'Awww' she thought to herself. 'What kind of cruel, heartless person would wake him up after all the stress he's been going through recently?...I would!'

With that Rena picked up a bucket of water a dumped the contents on Carth's head. "Wake up!"

"Ahhhhh!" Carth cried lurching forward. "The author, Darth Phex! She was after us! She made us do all kinds of stupid and weird stuff!"

"Hey Carth, we're enroot to the Star Forge, so you may want to get your butt up to the cockpit, unless you want to trust me at the wheel."

"So…you're saying it wasn't all a dream?" Carth asked as his face paled.

"Hell no, silly. Oh and I have the sudden unexplainable impulse to make you wear this French maid's outfit when we get there!" Rena said holding up a dress and tugging on the frilly fringe.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!"


	7. Breaking and entering

I am back to the land of the living! Many apologies for falling off the face of the earth for so long. Let's just say that I've had many distractions…and if you don't believe that, know that I've felt obligated to be lazy. Ok I'm not obligated to be lazy, I just am. Anyway, hope you like these two new chapters!

* * *

"Commander, the force field around the Star Forge has been disabled. What are your orders?" A republic officer reported. 

"Thank the force! We were taking heavy losses with our first plan." The commander sighed in relief.

"If you don't mind me asking, what was our first plan? It seemed like all we were doing was ramming our ships into the force field in a pointless attempt to break through."

"Exactly. We're down to half our troops and the sith haven't even opened fire yet. But this changes everything." The commander smiled sheepishly.

"I'll send forth the order to open fire." The officer hurried away.

"Commander! We're getting a message from the Ebon Hawk." Another officer called from his control panel.

"Very well put them through." The commander replied as she straightened up her uniform for the hologram transmission."

The hologram flashed blue for a moment humming softly. Suddenly a picture of Rena popped up before the commander's eyes.

"Wassssuppppp?!" Rena shouted in greeting. "Hey Carth, get over here! It's your republic buddies!"

"I'm fine were I am, thank you." A voice from outside the view of the transmission called quietly.

"No you're not, get over here!" Rena retorted walking out of the transmission in the direction of the previous voice.

The commander raised her eyebrow in puzzlement. Some scuffling and shouts were heard followed by an awkward silence before Rena appeared back in the transmission pulling a reluctant Carth clad in a French maid's outfit along with her.

"Hello commander." Carth mumbled as he blushed furiously.

"Well…I can…uh…see you're having fun with this assignment Carth Onasi." The commander blushed as well.

"We're having a hell of a time!" Rena grinned up at the commander.

"Anyway, Rena, do you and your crew have a plan as how to stop Malak and the sith army?"

"Yep! We're going to go into the Star Forge, kill everything that gets in our way, find Bastila, kill her, find Malak, kill him, and then get out of there in slow motion while everything blows up in the background leaving no survivors but ourselves." Rena recited ticking off each event on her fingers.

"Commander!" Carth said snapping into a salute. "You can count on us. We will apprehend the sith lord Malak and destroy the Star Forge."

With that the hologram transmission sizzled and flicked off. The commander stood in silence. "All our hopes and prayers now lie with the Ebon Hawk and her crew…" She sighed running her hand through her hair. "…We're screwed."

* * *

"All right, here's what's up." Rena gathered the crew together into a huddle. "I'm taking Carth, Jolee, and Juhani with me. Canderous, I need you and T3 to stay here at the ship to have things ready for a quick getaway. HK and Mission…well you guys are pretty much here for show." 

"Wait, can't you only bring two people with you?" Canderous wondered out loud scratching his head.

"Well normally yes, but I've decided to chuck that rule and take three." Rena dismissed the question hurriedly.

"Bop!" (We will be landing in just a few minutes). T3-M4 exclaimed excitedly.

"All right, when we land there's undoubtedly going to be a crap load of foot soldiers everywhere." Rena explained taking a hand drawn map (made out of Crayola crayons) out of the pocket of her robes and spreading it out on top of the hologram projector. "That's why we're going to use Mission as a meat-shield while we slip by and into the Star Forge."

"What?! I never agreed to that!" Mission shrieked.

"Come on Mission! Take one for the team!" Jolee said as he rubbed his ears. "Besides, HK will be on the turrets taking out the foot soldiers."

The ship shook as it made contact with the docking bay of the Star Forge.

"All right ever one in positions and move out." Carth called to the crew as he adjusted his dress.

The loading ramp of the Ebon Hawk slowly opened allowing the four man team to peer around the corner. A group of sith soldiers stood looking at the newly landed ship rather stupidly.

"Looks like they're watching us intently for any signs of weakness." Jolee whispered to Rena who nodded in agreement.

"So…you think we should check out that ship thing that just landed over there?" One of the sith asked the one next to it.

"I don't see why. It's not like we get paid extra for actually doing our job." The other replied with a shrug of the shoulders.

"One…two…Three!" Rena shouted as Mission ran out in front of the three man squad that rushed past into the Star Forge.

The soldiers where dumbfounded as a hail storm of turret fire took them out one by one. In the confusion Rena, Carth, Jolee, and Juhani tiptoed past and into the Star Forge.

Once inside they filed into the hallway. Looking around they saw that they were in a vast room that stretched at least ten floors. They were suspended on a platform runway that led to various other rooms of the same size and structure.

"Hello down there!" Jolee shouted to a pair of guards patrolling the runway beneath them.

"Jolee!" Carth seethed whacking him upside the head causing him to almost fall over the edge. "We're trying to attract as little attention as possible!"

"Hey guys." Juhani said in a small voice.

"Oh as if you haven't attracted enough attention with that outfit of yours!" Jolee rebuked pointing to Carth's dress. "You could have at least shaved your legs! I think my eyes just vomited."

"I think it actually looks nice on me." Carth countered turning his attention to smoothing out the wrinkles that the dress' lace had acquired.

"Hello! People!" Juhani called.

"What do you want Juhani? Do you want your cat toy?" Rena asked with a sigh pulling a small mouse attached to a string out of her pack.

Juhani's eyes grew wide as Rena shook the cat toy in the air. "Well actually, I was going to tell you about those people over there watching us but-."

Rena, Carth, and Jolee whirled around. A group of at least twenty sith lords, sith soldiers, and battle droids stood about a hundred feet away. All was silent.

A cough came from the mob of sith.

"Yeah, if you're done we're going to attack now." One of the sith lords in the front of the mob announced.

With that both sides flew into action. Jolee lobbed some plasma grenades at the troops in the back of the mob as Rena and Juhani charged forward, light sabers ignited. Carth stayed back and provided cover fire.

In this fashion they decimated the enemy forces until only one was left.

"Jolee you can stop throwing grenades!" Juhani cried as one fell next to her which she just barely had time to kick over the edge of the platform before it exploded on the floor below. She winced as someone for below shrieked "My leg! O God, my leg! What the hell was that?!"

Rena grabbed the surviving sith by the front of the shirt and brought him eye level. "Where's Malak?!"

"I don't know! Please, I don't. This is just a summer job! My mom said if I didn't get out and do something with my life she'd make me start paying rent!" The sith soldier said franticly.

"Finish him!" Jolee shouted over Rena's shoulder.

"Answer the question! Don't pretend you don't know us, or that we don't know that you know that we know that you know who we are!" Rena shouted shaking the soldier violently.

The others stood back trying to work this out in their heads.

"I swear I don't know!" The soldier pleaded.

"Well he's no use to us." Rena casually kicked him in the head leaving him in an unconscious heap.

"Well now we can take the opportunity to eat a healthy meal." Carth happily pulled some snack bars out of his pack. He tossed one to each of them.

Jolee took a whiff of the bar and gagged. "The hell is this?" He made a face at him like he'd just gotten a whiff of something that had been dead a few weeks.

"Protein bar. It's good for you." Carth stated factually.

"Tastes like crap." Rena said through watering eyes. "Next time, I'm packing lunch." She said as she force chucked the bar until it was out of sight.

* * *

"You can't find the Jedi?! What do I pay you for?!" Malak seethed at the news that all contacts were lost and the location of Rena and her crew was lost. 

"Actually Malak sir you don't pay us. You mostly threaten our lives and the lives of our families." One of the officers piped up nervously.

Malak grabbed him in a force choke and sent him over the edge into the abyss.

"Anyone else want to say anything?"

The other officers shook there heads quietly.

"Very well I expect you to-! What in the name of me?!" Malak exclaimed as a half eaten protein bar smacked him in the head with enough force to knock a normal man unconscious.

"A protein bar? Who in there right mind would eat this?" Malak asked as he crushed the offending snack bar into powder.

"Sir I think it came for over there." One of the officers pointed across the ridiculously large void to a runway.

Malak pushed a button on his utility belt to produce a pair of binoculars. He zoomed in on the runway the officer had pointed to, took a few seconds to focus, and then found what he was looking for. A large group of sith corpses and broken droids not to mention the 'Rena was here' that was carved into the side wall.

"Back to your stations. Inform Bastila that I wish to see her. I will be in my stereotypically ridiculously humongous evil boss villain chamber of doom and such." Malak said shoving the binoculars into the hands of one of the officers.

* * *

"Double combo attack thingy!" Rena shouted as she did a bunch of unnecessary fancy moves that only succeeded in making her enemies dizzy. 

"That sounds like something you order from McDonalds." Jolee commented as he cut down a droid that was aiming for Juhani's head.

"Aww man! I got blood all over my French maid's outfit! This will never wash out!" Carth whined.

"The fact that you are starting to like wearing that dress is really worrying me." Rena said taking a step back from Carth.

The three made their way down the endless hallways, platforms runways, and corridors. They came to a dead end at the end of what seemed like an endless hike.

"The fact that all the enemies are missing is a sure sign that we're severely lost." Jolee stated bluntly.

"Hey, guys look what I found." Juhani called from the entrance of a large room.

They filed into the room and looked around. Rena walked up to one of the control panels and started hitting random buttons without really reading what they said. Just then a light flashed from behind her followed by a low hum and a pair of neatly folded robes lying on the floor.

"OMG that was ubertasticulararificawesome! Do it again!" Juhani screeched in high pitched girly voice.

"Yeah, let's see if we can cook up a suitable outfit for Carth." Rena mumbled as she hit a few more random buttons.

The flash of light and the humming came again this time producing an armored outfit.

"Yeah did anyone see any bathrooms on the way here?" Rena asked as she examined the robes.

"Nope." Jolee answered with a shrug.

"Haven't seen any." Juhani added.

"You're kidding me. A gigantic, super advancer Star Forge and no bathrooms?! Malak sure is a visionary isn't he?" Rena fumed.

"Alright turn around." Rena sighed.

"Excuse me?" Jolee asked as if he didn't hear her right.

"Turn around!"

Once both Rena and Carth had changed Jolee and Juhani came forward.

"Kick ass! Official Dark Lord Revan Robes." Rena exclaimed reading the tag attached to the sleeve. "Pretty much the only reason I turned dark side was to get these robes."

"What I don't understand is why they made you wait till the end of the game to finally get those robes. And they don't even come with the mask, what a rip off." Juhani pointed out.

"Whatever, I'm just happy that sissy boy over here is finally into something decent." Jolee said jabbing his thumb at Carth who in turn looked disappointed.

"Alright, now that we're all situated let's get going. I can't wait to see the look on Bastila face when she sees how bad ass we look now." Rena grinned mischievously.

* * *

'I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when they see how bad ass I look now' Bastila thought to herself as she approached Malak's evil boss villain chamber etc. 


	8. Show down!

W00t! Another chapter in rapid secession! Alright people this is it! The last chapter! Please enjoy!

* * *

"Lord Malak, you wanted to see me?" Bastila asked bowing low.

"Bastila! I just got off the phone with He-Who-Must-Remain-Anonymous. Rena is coming and she found the Revan robes. This is bad!" Malak announced dramatically as he chucked the cell phone across the chamber.

"Lord Malak, I could defeat Rena for you." Bastila volunteered eagerly.

"Ha! Don't make me laugh! Excluding that last 'ha'."

But at Bastila's proposal Malak thought to himself; and like all good evil villains he thought out loud. "Maybe I can get rid of Bastila by giving her the impossible task of killing Rena. It's definitely worth a try!"

"Um…I'm in the room you know." Bastila pointed out.

"Excellent! I don't have to repeat myself then! Now go!" Malak waved Bastila off.

* * *

"Ow! Will it ever end?!" Carth shouted in surprise as Rena jabbed him with a medpack. 

"Yeah, well I don't want to waste too many items on you guys. You're just minions. Besides I need to get to the final boss with at least 40 medpacks." Rena explained with cold indifference.

They walked down the hallway until they came to a large blast door.

"What's wrong?" Carth asked when Jolee stopped in thought.

"I think that this is one of those doors that only the main character can get across before it traps everyone else on the other side of time - effectively separating the party perhaps for the rest of our visit here at the Star Forge. May I also add that this tactic is often used when preparing for boss battles." Jolee explained expertly.

"How do you know all this?" Carth asked exasperatedly.

"I play Red Fraction back home at Kashyyyk. It prepares you for just about anything. In fact that's how one could argue that I learned the force without previous training." Jolee stated with a surprisingly serious face.

"Well talking about the door isn't going to move us forward." Rena said moving forward and threw the blast doors.

They all watched in suspense as Rena stepped out on to the other side of the threshold. "See, nothing-." The doors came together with crushing force. "-happened." Rena finished lamely.

Rena walked forward into the room and in the center was a holographic image of the ongoing battle outside.

Rena walked toward the hologram slowly for closer inspection. "Ahhh!" She cried as she tripped over a figure on the floor.

"Ow what the hell?!" Bastila shouted pushing Rena off of herself. "Watch where you're walking, I'm trying to battle meditate here!"

"Well what are you doing on the floor? You could have gotten a chair or something!" Rena protested as she got up.

"Whatever, I'm here to kill you." Bastila stated bluntly.

"No really! I thought you had come to give me a birthday cake." Rena seethed.

"Wait, it's you birthday? I completely forgot."

"No! Just do me a favor and try not to act like a psychotic piece of wako." Rena sighed rubbing her eyes.

"You should have joined Malak, Revan. You don't stand a chance against me _and_ the dark lord!" Bastila laughed.

"You know he's got replacements lined up with the off-chance that you fail to kill me. Which it looks like is a high chance because he's got quite a few of them over there." Rena said as she absently counted the sith lords standing in the adjacent hallway.

"They're just spectators." Bastila dismissed nervously.

"Finally the time has come when I can kill you without anyone questioning my morals!" Rena grinned exasperatedly while pulling out her light saber.

"Even if you defeat me you'll never stand a chance against the dark lord Malak!"

"Fool, I am the dark lord!" Rena laughed maniacally.

"Yeah, you _were!_ That was back when dinosaurs and homeless people ROAMED THE EARTH!!" Bastila shouted.

Gasps came from the group of watching sith lords. They turned to each other with scandalized expressions.

She Glared at Bastila. Oh shit, did she Glare. Glare with a capital 'G.' "Are you calling me _old?!_ That's it! I'm going to cactus your ass!" Rena shouted flipping her light saber on.

"Bring it on!" Bastila challenged igniting her own double sided light saber.

They charged at each other in slow motion and their light sabers collided sending sparks in every direction. They twirled, spun, pivoted, rotated, spiraled, and all other manner of synonyms that relate to circle each other.

Bastila's highly polished boot found Rena's face but not before Rena's fist punched Bastila in the gut. The fight commenced with plenty of omgwtfsfx in the background. Distantly the two could pick up the distinctive tune of John Williams _Duel of the Fates_.

Suddenly Bastila came at Rena from a blind spot and was about to cut her in two. Unfortunately Bastila's plan didn't quite work with a double sided light saber.

"Ahhhhh! Holy crap!" Bastila shouted as her light saber cut off her own arm and she fell to the floor.

Rena cringed and stepped back. "Didn't see that one coming did you? Well…this is anticlimactic."

Bastila got back up and charged at Rena again. What she didn't anticipate was that she was now horribly off balance and her momentum crashed her right into the holographic image.

"Yeah…I think my work is done here. I'm just going to go now." Rena said awkwardly as she headed for the opposite door.

"Hey! This isn't over! I'm ambidextrous, see! Don't leave me! Come on!" Bastila called desperately after Rena.

After quickly and vaguely disposing of the sith lords that had crowded the hallway in a single-file line Rena made her way in the approximate direction of Malak's stereotypically ridiculously humongous evil boss villain chamber of doom and such. It was hard to get around, the place was freakin' huge! Plus there were no bathrooms along the way.

Rena finally found herself in a long hallway with an elevator at the opposite end. The were terminals on ether side of the hallway. At the end stood Malak looking like prison escapee in his disgusting red/orange jump suit.

"Ha! I guffaw at you Revan! Do you honestly think you can defeat me?!" Malak laughed in his irritating mechanical voice that sounded like gravel in a trash compactor.

"Well considering that on my own I've managed to get past everything you've thrown at me since Bastila one way or another, yes." Rena concluded with a confident smile.

"Well, now prepare to meet your match! Let me introduce you to my super advanced heat seeking killer droids of doom!" Malak said slamming his fist against the panel next to the elevator shaft.

Suddenly ten ginormous droids popped out of thin air and charged at Rena. Laughing Malak ran into the elevator to escape the mayhem.

'Does he think I'm that stupid?' Rena thought to herself. Because everyone knows that there's only one true way to get away from super advanced heat seeking killer droids of doom, and that was to run like hell. In this case Rena ran to the elevator and slammed the blast doors shut.

Rena stood uncomfortably in the elevator as smooth jazz music played casually in the background. Finally the doors opened to reveal a room of epic proportions. Twin stairs on either side followed by an upper platform with a huge window with a prized view of the raging battle outside between the sith forces and the Republic.

"Ah, Revan. I see you got past my droids." Malak said from the upstairs platform with his back turned to her.

"One way or another." Rena mumbled under her breath.

"I have come to kick ass and take names! Now it's your turn Malak!" Rena shouted threateningly.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha LOL ha ha ha ha ha LMao! ha ha ha ha gasp Hahahahah rofl he hehehheheheheh ha ha ha ha ha hlolzha he! That's the funniest thing I've heard all day!" Malak gasped for breath.

"You see Revan once you're out of the way I'm going to destroy the universe simply because that's what all evil villains strive for." Malak explained casually.

"I'm sorry but I can't let you destroy the universe. That's where I keep all my stuff." Rena said as she turned on her light saber.

"We'll see about that! Now you will see, Revan, that evil will always triumph because good is dumb!" Malak concluded pulling out his own light sabers.

Malak then jumped into the air and while remaining in the same pose flew down from the platform and straight at Rena. (kinda like the guys from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.) However Rena blocked it with a sweet sweet matrix back flip.

Rena attacked in a pattern; force lightning, block, combo attack, medpack, repeat. Malak just did what ever the hell he felt like, which was mostly just force choke.

They ran up the right staircase, Rena on the defensive, Malak on the offensive. Their light sabers locked and both tried to shove the other out of the lock. However neither of them saw it coming when they both tripped over the railing and landed in a heap. Quickly though they got back up and reignited their light sabers.

Rena was doing good. She had only used up ten medpacks and she had Malak down to half health as the little red bar above his head clearly stated. Seeing this as well Malak decided to go to plan B.

"You see these kolto tanks, Revan?" Malak said in a voice that suggested that that if he still had a jaw he'd be smiling evilly.

"What the ones with all the dead bodies in them? Is that a new decorating scheme of yours?" Rena raised her eyebrow in half interest.

"Oh yes, I've always felt that a couple of Jedi corpses can brighten any atmosphere. No! These are survivors of the attack on Dantooine."

"So what are they doing here?"

"Well, if you'll let me get to that! Because I'm so ridiculously evil I'm going to use their remaining life force to power me up so I can kill you! And maybe I'll keep a few as decoration." Malak laughed maniacally.

"You are one sick bastard." Rena shook her head slowly in disgust.

They commenced battle only this time every time Rena got Malak down to half health he'd drain the force out of the dieing Jedi.

"That's it! Take that!" Rena shouted as she began blasting the kolto tanks with force lightning.

Soon it was down to just Rena and Malak. They sliced, stabbed, and parried until the author ran out of ideas of how to describe their fight.

Finally Rena caught Malak in the chest with force lightning and while he was down, and just out of pure enjoyment, she stabbed him in the foot.

"Ahhh! The hell'd you stab me in the foot for?!" Malak shrieked.

"Because I can." Rena shrugged with indifference. "Now admit that I'm a million, no, a Bigigillion times more bad ass than you! I might be merciful and ease your passing."

"I'm not dieing! You stabbed me in the foot, yes, but that's hardly a fatal injury!" Malak protested.

"Shut up." Rena said as she stabbed him in the other foot.

"Ahhhhhh! Damn you Revan! Fine you're a million-."

"Bigigillion!"

"Fine! Bigigillion times more bad ass than me!" Malak whined.

"Very good. I got what I want. See you later Malak!" Rena said walking away.

"What? You're not going to kill me?" Malak asked propping himself up on his elbows to watch her leaving.

"Why would I need to? You can't chase after me with holes in your feet. Or are you going to get medal feet to match your jaw? Besides If I don't hurry, I might not get out of here before this whole thing blows!" Rena explained as she walked further away.

* * *

And thus the Star Forge erupted in a fiery explosion killing every one inside and leaving no survivors. That is except the Ebon Hawk, and miraculously everyone in her crew, as promised. 

As they maneuvered away from the fiery explosion of death, destruction, and doom the crew sat around the old hologram projector laughing stupidly at their dumb luck.

"So what are you going to do now Rena?" Mission asked as she handed her a bottle of Juma juice.

"Well to tell you the truth Mission. I think I'm going to exploit this dark lord status. You know start a few wars. Kill a few innocent lives. Then take a vacation and disappear for just about forever in the outer rim." Rena said as she popped the cap off her bottle.

Everyone stared in horror and disbelief.

"What? You guys can come to if you want." Rena defended.

"Here we go again." Jolee whispered to Carth.

**End!**

* * *

Wow this has been as much a pain as it was fun to write! If you know me I'm pretty much a one shot author and 'For the Love of Force' has been my biggest challenge yet. Well I'd like to recognize a few people here at the end for sticking with me all the way.

I'd like to thank Leogrl19 for always reading my stories. Her comments always make my day.

I'd like to thank Koch'sglory for reading and reviewing when I make him! ;)

Thanks HandMeThatCookie for all your support.

I'd also like to recognize Queenofinsanity, WILL THE ALMIGHTY, Selena Valentine Mars, and everyone else for helping me get to this point!

And of course many thanks to my editor, without which you'd have a hard time reading any of this! XD**  
**


End file.
